Comment

Comment by Mystic on February 22, 2012 at 11:12pm

I liked your (9) Helpful tips

Comment by Michael Snoopy Wells on February 22, 2012 at 3:00pm

"Snoopy wants to Merge with someone"

Comment by The Wells Brothers on February 22, 2012 at 2:56pm

Mark 7:20-23 

And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

Comment by The Wells Brothers on February 22, 2012 at 2:53pm

Matthew 7:1-2 

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Comment by The Wells Brothers on February 22, 2012 at 2:50pm

9 Helpful Tips To Deal With Negative People

Do you have any friends or colleagues who are negative? If so, you’ll know they aren’t the most enjoyable people to be around. Negative people can be real downers in any conversation. No matter what you say, they have a way of spinning things in a negative direction. Some negative people can be so negative that it feels draining just being around them.

I’ve dealt with a fair share of negative people in my life. When I was in junior college, I was basically surrounded by a college population of negative students and teachers. My school wasn’t the best of the lot, so most people inside were disgruntled by virtue of being there. While I was initially taken aback by negativity of the people, I eventually learned to manage it and channel it into conscious action.

Today, I deal with negativity on-and-off in my personal development work, especially if there are readers or coaching clients in distress. Rather than be affected by others’ negative energy, I’m now able to consciously deal with it. Here, I’ll share with you 9 tips to deal with negative people in your life:

1) Don’t get into an argument

One of the most important things I learned is not to debate with a negative person. A negative person likely has very staunch views and isn’t going to change that just because of what you said. Whatever you say, he/she can find 10 different reasons to back up his/her viewpoint. The discussion will just swirl into more negativity, and you pull yourself down in the process. You can give constructive comments, and if the person rebutts with no signs of backing down, don’t engage further.

2) Empathize with them

Have you ever been annoyed by something before, then have someone tell you to “relax”? How did you feel? Did you relax as the person suggested or did you feel even more worked up?

From my experience, people who are negative (or upset for that matter) benefit more from an empathetic ear than suggestions/solutions on what he/she should do. By helping them to address their emotions, the solutions will automatically come to them (it’s always been inside them anyway).

3) Lend a helping hand

Some people complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though, so their comments come across as complaints rather than requests. Take the onus to lend a helping hand. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can do wonders.

4) Stick to light topics

Some negative people are triggered by certain topics. Take for example: One of my friends sinks into a self-victimizing mode whenever we talk about his work. No matter what I say (or don’t say), he’ll keep complaining once we talk about work.

Our 1st instinct with negative people should be to help bring them to a more positive place (i.e. steps #2 and #3). But if it’s apparent the person is stuck in his/her negativity, the unhappiness may be too deeply rooted to address in a one-off conversation, or for you to help him/her unravel it. Bring in a new topic to lighten the mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences, common friends, make for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels positive towards.

5) Ignore the negative comments

One way to help the negative person “get it” is to ignore the negative comments. If he/she goes into a negative swirl, ignore or give a simple “I see” or “Ok” reply. On the other hand, when he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm. Do this often and soon he/she will know positivity pays off. He/she will adjust to be more positive accordingly.

6) Praise the person for the positive things

Negative people aren’t just negative to others. They’re also negative to themselves. If you already feel negative around them, imagine how they must feel all the time. What are the things the person is good at? What do you like about the person? Recognize the positive things and praise him/her for it. He/she will be surprised at first and might reject the compliment, but on the inside he/she will feel positive about it. That’s the first seed of positivity you’re planting in him/her and it’ll bloom in the long-term.

7) Hang out in 3′s or more people

Having someone else in the conversation works wonders in easing the load. In a 1-1 communication, all the negativity will be directed towards you. With someone else in the conversation, you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the negativity. This way you can focus more on doing steps #1 (Empathizing) and #2 (Helping the person).

8) Be responsible for your reaction

Whether the person is negative or not, ultimately you’re the one who is perceiving the person is negative. When you recognize that, actually the negativity is the product of your lens. Take responsibility for your perceptions. For every trait, you can interpret it in a positive and a negative manner. Learn to see the goodness of the person than the negative. It may be tough initially, but once you cultivate the skill, it becomes second nature.

9) Reduce contact with them / Avoid them

If all else fails, reduce contact with them or avoid them altogether. If it’s a good friend, let him/her know of the severity of the issue and work it out where possible. It’s not healthy to spend too much time with people who drain you. Your time is precious, so spend it with people who have positive effects on you.

Source celestine http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/9-helpful-tips-to-de...

Comment by Kekoaokekoolau Lyu on February 22, 2012 at 2:23pm

Just getting rid of the negativity.. so there's only positivity..

Comment by Michael Snoopy Wells on February 22, 2012 at 12:17pm

Now Koa, Garret has his point and we all must be positive! I myself would love to more mixers and include some of our actors on other islands! But only so much can be done with out someone being unhappy! All we can do is our best! I wish Garret would have come to the table at the mixer and we could have talked about ways that HAN Mixers could be valuable to all! But i'm happy that Garret will set up a committed and the HAN Mixer! So much to talk about with Unions Merging and Film Bill being looked at again! Blessings to All

Comment by Kekoaokekoolau Lyu on February 22, 2012 at 11:49am

dude! instead of creating excuses and deferring the attention to other things why don't you man up and create a mixer yourself.. if you have so much comments about the last mixer and didn't contribute anything to it keep your mouth shut.. if you think that you can do better then do it yourself, apparently from what your saying the money and funding shouldn't be an issue..  the Wells Brothers have created this network and the mixer for everyone including you with money from their own pocket and have never charged you a penny for it and all you can do is sit there and be negative.. you should delete your HAN account and take your negativity with you..

Comment by Michael Snoopy Wells on February 22, 2012 at 11:42am

Roger let us know what Rumfire says when you check! Love these ideas! I know for a fact that its Free Valet Parking for 4 hours. Thanks Garret again

Comment by Roger Garrett on February 22, 2012 at 11:34am

Regarding Rumfire: The past mixers that actually provided an opportunity to mix and meet and network were those that were held on "off nites" at a couple of bars. That is, a place where it's generally a slow night so that the majority of people at the venue for the night of the Mixer will be the HAN people. That generally means either a weekday night or a place that doesn't get much business any time. Someone would have to check out Rumfire to see if there's a "slow night".

Other criteria for choosing a place might be parking availability (preferably free parking) and pau hana (lower) prices.

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